


Sleeping Memories Left to Dream

by MaybeAWriter



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half life but the ai are self aware
Genre: Guns, Memory Loss, More tags to be added, dont know how much but it definitely will come into play, first work lol, unreality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27773596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaybeAWriter/pseuds/MaybeAWriter
Summary: How much of Gordon’s past can he lose until “kids forget things” is no longer a believable excuse? Can it be natural for his mind to slip over any questioning? And when proof is in his face, evidence directly contradicting everything he’s ever known, can he really deny it?Too many inconsistencies stacking up, how long until everything comes tumbling down.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	1. An Unsettling Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve never written any sort of fan fiction. I wrote a like 65 page book about dragons in 6th grade, but that was all me, babey!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple effort for some good ol’ conversation leads to Tommy realizing not all is right with Gordon.

The first time Tommy suspected something was wrong was halfway through the team’s trip through Black Mesa. Bubby ran ahead and had yet to come back screaming, though it was only a matter of time. Coomer has fallen into a pit somewhere and was still trying to catch up. Who knows where Benrey was; despite being their friend, they had not enlightened Tommy to their location. Not that it bothered him! Now it was just him and Gordon. 

Honestly, he was thankful for the time alone. Gordon definitely needed it. The whole situation was quite obviously taking a toll on him. Everyday he grew more stressed under the constant threat of imminent death, unable to get any contact with the outside world, and the team’s antics quickly whittling away at the rest of his patience. It was a painful process to watch as the man living a mostly normal life was thrust into the mix of alien chaos. 

Tommy really wanted to distract him from that, not to mention he was in the mood for some conversation. Some nostalgic childhood talk couldn’t hurt, _right_? 

“Mr. Freeman?,” the man turned around at the sudden call. “Did you have any- have any pets when you were young?” 

A confused expression spread across Gordon’s face, the sudden question catching him off guard. The look wasn’t too unexpected— Tommy had never been great at starting conversations naturally. “I was- was just thinking about Sunkist. I can’t imagine h-hav-having a dog that wasn’t perfect.” He added after a second. That wasn’t completely a lie. He’d always been a bit curious, but it was really just an attempt to get the man’s thought off of.... well, everything really. 

“Oh,” Gordon said. He paused for a little, eyes looking to the roof as his walk slowed. “I’d have to think about that. Childhood stuff is...” he trailed off. “... a little unclear.”

Before Tommy had a chance to question that statement, he continued,” I had a cat when I was real young. Little bastard, it was.” A soft chuckle escaped him. Good. He really needed it.

“What was it named?” Tommy prompted in an effort to keep Gordon talking. 

“Uh. Hmph. Well. I think it was-“ He was snapping with both hands now to jog his memory, words obviously buying time for him to remember. He abruptly stopped, dropping both arms. “Don’t remember.”

That was. Tommy didn’t know if he should be concerned or not. Human memories were a little fragile at best— kinda pathetic at worst.

His doubt must have shown on his face as the other man was quick to add,” I was, like, five or something. Young kids forget shit pretty often.” 

“If you, if you say so, Mr. Freeman!” He’ll accept Gordon’s words at face value. The conversation has grown stale and stilted, despite his attempts. He really can’t say much about his childhood, not knowing what would and would not be normal for a human child to do. Exposing himself would in-turn expose his father. If he could avoid the meeting of his dad and any member of the science team, he would. 

It’s not like he didn’t trust his dad, it’s just... There were “safety” “measures” put in place when someone learned something they shouldn’t. Tommy being part inter-dimensional being definitely qualified. 

So, to be safe, he left the talking to Gordon, only asking questions to get him to continue. It wasn’t too difficult; Gordon was prone to ranting about snacks that he swore “they’d changed in recent years and they tasted shittier,” reminiscing about video games he still listened to the soundtracks of, explanations of how he got scars doing stupid things, etc. Tommy was ready to listen to all of it, but there was a problem.

When he got too into any one topic, too far back in his mind, he simply drifted off. The topic didn’t stick. Not in the way that one jumps excitedly from topic to topic. He would be so happy, a smile on his face echoed back in Tommy’s reflection, but then he’d stop. Words trailing off in the middle of the sentence. Worry was becoming more and more embedded in the conversation, but Gordon was having so much fun! Distracting him was working. Why not keep it going a little longer.

The hope for any further joy from this talk dissipated when Tommy asked,” Did you ever play video games with anyone else?”

Gordon froze, full stop. The lighthearted saunter he has adopted dropped in an instant. The taller man immediately felt guilty. Was this a sore topic? He’d seemed fine discussing anything else, even personal topics like childhood fears, though that had drifted off as quickly as the other topics. 

The silence stretched on considerably, Tommy unsure of what he should say. Before he could decide, Gordon stated,”I played games alone. Most were meant to be single player.” His words were stilted, robotic, and completely even. It set the other on edge immediately. 

“I ate lunch at school alone.” He continued, unprompted. His face was vague, an unsettled between mix of confused and calmness not unlike someone who had just woken up. Maybe just started falling asleep was the better description with how empty his eyes were. Their complete lack of focus was deeply disturbing to Tommy. Just a minute before they had been so full of excitement. 

“Mr. Freeman—“ 

“I tried a few sports, but none of them stuck.” He was cut off as the statue of a person pushed on, seemingly unaware of the interruption. The words sounded practiced, a _script_ learned syllable by syllable. 

“But I had my mom and dad home often, so I wasn’t lonely. **It was a good childhood.** ” Gordon said with total finality.  
  
And just like someone had unpaused him, he began walking again, back towards Bubby’s yelling, back towards Dr. Coomer causing loud explosions, back towards noises and action loud enough to drowned out any questioning. Whether that was intentional or not hadn’t been made clear. 

And Tommy was left with nothing else to do but scramble after, _wondering what the hell just happened._


	2. Reach Out a Little, See What You’ll Find

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy hasn’t made much progress. Maybe someone else can help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, this takes place a bit before they reach the surface and Coomer has his “THERES NOTHING THERE” situation. I won’t be covering that scene here, but that’s not to say I’m ignoring the whole ordeal. It will come into play :)

After that first encounter, Tommy began to think back through his memory, searching for any other worrying signs he might have let slip under the radar. Unfortunately, he was having some _difficulties_ to say the least.

For starters, Tommy was not the most versed on humans, particularly human childhood. Before G-man had found him, taken him under his wing and taught him how to use his powers, he spent most of his time alone. There had been many attempts by humans to help him, resulting in a few more encounters with the mall security officers and the foster care system than he would’ve liked, but he tended to “drift.” Whatever part of him that wasn’t human was definitely not meant to remain in their dimension full time; Tommy had to deal with a constant tug and pull as he was caught in between with no one to help him. It could take months before he was able to be seen by the inhabitants of earth, each moment cripplingly lonely. But his dad had, when he had the time and opportunity, taught him how to control his abilities. After he managed to grip himself to earth —at the unfortunate but necessary lost of most of his dimension hopping abilities— most of his time was spent wandering Black Mesa, either reading and studying or watching watching shows on the old break room TV.

After that, he’d grown up nearly surrounded by humans. He couldn’t really hide all of his unnatural traits, but making the jump to suggesting he was some sort of alien was out of the picture. Confident in his adult knowledge of the species, he’d neglected to learn much about children. There simply weren’t that many around black Mesa, never roaming around the halls like him, at least. It was really coming to bite him now as he was hesitant to call any of Gordon’s possibly weird childhood memories out.

Secondly, they were fighting a weird Alien apocalypse and the military at the same time. The team was stressed, Gordon more so than any. It was to be expected; he was only _human_ after all, even with the HEV suit’s assistance. Getting him to spout random bullshit wasn’t the most difficult, but having a conversation while having to suddenly fight off a herd of enemies mid-sentence kinda sucked. No way was he goingto learn anything with this approach. What else could he do?

Ask the rest of the team if they’d noticed anything? Benrey was pretty awful with human knowledge and would rather tease Gordon about having a “pissbaby fail memory” (his words, not Tommy’s.) Bubby’s childhood was spent confined in a tube while his teen years to old man years were spent almost exclusively on Black Mesa premises. That left...

“Dr. Coomer!” he called to the man. Why hadn’t he thought of this earlier? The scientist was rather eccentric now, what with his enhancements and clones, but he theoretically had a very human childhood. 

“What’s the situation, Tommy?” He replied with cheer, slowing in his pace to walk with the other in the back of the group. Gordon was half yelling and half laughing as Benrey attempted to write “lol” in the air with sweet voice, and Bubby was a little further ahead, trying to keep them moving with increasing frustration. Whether the frustration was from their slow pace or the fact that neither would tell him what LOL stood for, Tommy couldn’t say. Despite the decent distance, he still minutely lowered his voice.

“Hi-hiya! Did you, um, notice anything a little weird about Gordon?” He leaned in to say.

Coomer looked a little confused, asking,”Could you be a little more specific? The man’s got a few quirks!” He chuckled. “Why, once, in the break room, he was so tired he put his soda in the microwave and attempted to put a straw through his sandwich! Exploded the whole microwave!”

Tommy smiled at him, marking that in his memory to ~~bother~~ ask Gordon about later, but the expression slipped from his face. “I-I meant about his childhood.”

“Oh,” Coomer’s smile dimmed considerably. “Well, when I was helping his during his internship, he was much more reserved. He quickly adjusted, but his younger days seemed to be a bit of a ‘no go’ topic. He didn’t speak about it, and I figured it rude to bring up.” He quickly shot a robotic arm out to obliterate a rouge head crab before turning his gaze back and smearing the alien blood on his hand onto on his coat. Placing the other hand on Tommy’s shoulder,“Is there something I should be aware of?”

He hesitated only briefly, throwing a cursory glance to the rest of the team. “I-I’m worried about Mr. Freeman. We were- were talking— or rather I was a-asking him about how he grew up.” 

His hands fiddle with the buttons on his shirt absentmindedly. “H-he kept moving off topics, not re-remembering things, but when I asked about friends he...” Tommy struggled to find the words. How do you describe when someone completely drops all mannerisms and characteristics that make them _them_? “He fr-fro— stopped walking and started talking a-and all the words sounded so dead and-and his eyes were so empty and—“

He was cut off of his rambles when Coomer patted his shoulder in encouragement. Tommy took a deep breath before continuing,” It was l-like he already knew what to say, and o-once he said it he just moved on like it-like it didn’t even happen.” He finished quietly, concern bleeding through his words.

The two silently kept up with the group, occasionally shooting or punching anything threatening to flank them as they silently stewed in their thoughts.

“Well,” Coomer suddenly began, subdued enough to not draw any eyes other than Tommy’s,” This is quite the conundrum.” _You could say that again_. “It is rather worrying! But, as someone who shied away from bringing up his childhood as a topic of discussion, I feel I am unqualified to say if this is a reoccurring incidence.”

His eye brows knitted together in an apology. “... however, I might be able to add more mentions of his younger years when we talk to see if there’s a reaction. How I love the scientific method!”

Tommy’s smile was tired but grateful. “Th-thank you, Dr. Coomer. I-I guess I can ask the others if they noticed anything...” he drifted off, shooting a less than hopeful look at the others. 

Coomer followed Tommy’s eyes to the rest of the team (who were currently attempting trick shots at a headcrab but it clearly wasn’t going to happen) and his eyes crinkled with amusement. He removed his hands from Tommy’s shoulder to clap them together, the noise making Gordon flinch and miss his shot by a mile—though it probably would have missed after how dizzy he was from the 15th attempt at a “360 no-scope.” 

“Have faith in our compatriots! They might be more helpful than you think,” his gaze was trained not on Bubby as Tommy would have thought, but instead the man attempting to throw sweet voice bubbles at the headcrab like it was a carnival game. Coomer punched the crab with his stretching arms, the force shooting the poor thing through the roof, possibly into orbit. Maybe it’d reach its home planet. Without the distraction, they began moving again.

“Benrey?” The taller man questioned with minor disbelief, staying back with Coomer. “He doesn’t know a-a lot about human childhoods.”

The doctor tilted his head at this. “Yes, it’s most likely he doesn’t know about that. But.” He looked directly into Tommy’s eyes, the stare pinning him. “He seems to know a lot about Gordon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I just write short chapters? I like dealing with things in a lil bit of a segmented way.  
> But yeah, Coomer time!  
> I’ll be sticking with Tommy’s perspective/line of thinking for a bit longer, but it’ll be switching it up in a bit! Writing from Gordon’s perspective would be kinda difficult without knowing the outsider perspective.  
> Thank you for the comments! I read them but I never know what to reply so <3 to you!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I want to continue this but with my askblog starting soon (pssst look up HLVRAI-storybook on tumblr thanks) I need to find time. Comments and criticism are fully welcome and encouraged :D


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